Now with more baby sh*t™

Entries in truth (14)

Thursday

Apr292010

Five Things I Hate About Being A Daddy... Blogger.

Thursday, April 29, 2010 at 2:32PM

PHOTO: Wikimedia Commons: Unidentified group of men camping.

The sensation that there’s a weird Wild-West land grab cloaked in a “just the fellas”, well-mannered, 50s cocktail party with a segment of “I’m an insider but I act like an outsider” vibe/situation/mentality going on.
The odd bit of sanctimonious self-appointed policing.
The frequently over-wrought and insipid writing.
The dismissal of the genuinely heartfelt and occasionally very moving writing – however insipid it might be. (We’re all writing about our kids — and often wives – if you’re doing it right it should get a bit treacly. Sometimes. Also, see #3.)
That I have been – or will be – guilty of 1 through 4. (But mostly 3.)

And, five things I like:

The slightly volatile, one-fist-clenched-one-arm-around-your-shoulders, boys’ clubishness of it all. I get the sense that there are some great guys that are “one beer away” from virtually swinging at each other. Keeps it interesting.
There are some genuinely nice guys that have graciously welcomed me into the community — such as it is.
The enthusiasm.
There are some really good and/or really funny writers.
I’m a dad, I like to blog. What’s not to like? (Okay, four weeks, give or take, on the “official” designation but I’m not gonna get hung up on details.)

And, FWIW, all of the above also seems to apply to the Mommy Blogging community as far as I can tell.

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Friday

Apr092010

Sleepless in STL?

Friday, April 9, 2010 at 7:26AM

Josie taking your advice and napping now – while she still can.As an expectant parent, if there’s one thing you hear from people with kids its that you’re not going to get any sleep once the baby arrives. “Get some sleep now.” “Remember – sleep when the baby sleeps.” “Oh, yeah, you’re gonna be a zombie.”

And I’ve appreciated the tip. I really have. The first ten or eighty times I heard it. Or read it, or saw it in a movie or TV show, or read it in a book, magazine, blog post or tweet, or caught a glimpse of it the way you tilted your head before you said it, or smelled it in the waft of adrenaline emanating from your pores – adrenaline stimulated by the frisson of excitement you felt knowing that you too were about to bestow “The Advice”.

We get it. We’ll be tired. Not just “sleepy” tired but sleep-deprived, hallucination-inducing, enemy combatant interrogation-level, SEAL training grade tired. But I’m pretty sure I can handle it. I’ve stayed up late before. Sometimes for days on end.

So, let me say “thank you” to all who have passed on this kernel of parental truth. I know it was hard won and/or passed down from generation to generation in your family – or yelled at you by your neighbor the first time you walked out to get the paper after they’d heard you were expecting. But for all those who may still yearn for their chance, please, let this be the last we speak of it. Please, know that I know you’re concerned. Concerned that it may not have been made clear enough. Concerned that you too won’t get to tell me how rarely I’ll actually use a pillow – or bed – for sleeping. Concerned that I may be “the One” who really isn’t fazed by the lack of sleep. Or concerned that I won’t do my duty once my time comes and warn the next expectant parent I meet. But, if you feel compelled to share, sleep on it.

Now, I’m f*dging tired – I’m going to bed.

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Monday

Apr052010

Bunny Business

Monday, April 5, 2010 at 8:03AM

Easter as a secular holiday is fine. I mean, I like hanging out with family, brunching on a nice ham, and watching kids find Easter eggs as much as the next heathen. But, here’s where I have a bit of a problem – at least as far as it concerns raising Baby Grrl!™: I’m not sure I’m a big fan of perpetuating imaginary characters as legitimate representatives of an occasion to innocent (one might say, gullible) children. I mean, I’m not opposed to letting them enjoy the characters as characters. I just don’t know that I want B.B.G!™ to have misplaced faith in the existence of something at my suggestion. I think it’s a trust issue. Also, I’m not big fan of the Easter Bunny – I’ve always kind of found him (it?) a little creepy.

I’m also pretty sure this ambivalence towards holiday mascots is grounded in the mortification I felt at having to find out very late in the game (I think I was in double digits) – and from other kids no less – that Santa Claus was not, in fact, real. Kind of a bummer. I’m not talking emotionally scarred level bummer, and certainly not enough of a bummer that I harbor the slightest bit of resentment towards anyone, but just enough of a bummer to give me pause to consider whether I want to nurture these “myths” and instill these beliefs in my child.

Having said that, I think we all know what’s going to happen. I have very little doubt that Baby Grrl!™ will be allowed to share in the same myths – the same joys – that most, if not all, of us did.

I still think the Easter Bunny’s kind of a jack*ss though.

>>> Don’t forget to vote in the TSW Tagline Poll!

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Saturday

Apr032010

The Situation Womb – Episode 1

Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 8:53AM

A Baby Grrl! Labs™ Delivery for the BBG! Network™ — Credits

How is it that everything to do with The Situation Womb becomes a situation?

Hol got home from work Friday night, we headed out for a burger, got home and Hol said she was ready to do the interview. Luckily, I wasn’t prepared. The camera battery was dead, I hadn’t lit or blocked the shadowed “anonymity shot” I wanted, I didn’t have the f*cking questions ready, etc. So, of course I said, “Great! Lets’ do it.”

I got Hol seated, got the camera plugged in and the “set” ready. After doing a test shot and thinking I had stopped “rolling”, I began to do some finishing prep work (getting the questions for the interview, reassuring Hol that I knew what I was doing, etc.). I had not, in fact stopped “rolling”. I’m not sure what I did or didn’t do, but I assume I must not have pressed the “record” button and I never paid attention to the “record” light. So, when I next pressed the “record” button and began to shoot I was actually stopping the camera. And the rest is history. I remained out of recording sync for the whole shoot. All the footage I got is what happened between takes. Hol answered every question I asked her with her rare wit, charm and intelligence – at least that’s the story now – but I got none of it.

So, here are the short answers from memory (mine):

How’s her pregnancy been? Good.

Does she read Wrath66.com? Sometimes.

Does she mind the half-assed anonymity I give her on Wrath66.com? No.

Am I a good husband? Great.

Where did she get that striped T? Gap Maternity.

What’s she most looking forward to about B.B.G!™? To see what the mash-up of our gene pools looks like.

Welcome to the BBG! Network. See you next time on The Situation Womb. I’m Wrath66 saying…

This poll will be up for a week.

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Thursday

Apr012010

Baby Grrl! Labs™ Has Created A Monster!

Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 2:23PM

And that monster is… me.

I can’t believe it took me this long, but I just now realized that I have become the parent that believes their kid is somehow more unique and awe inspiring than any other kid that has come before or since. And I haven’t even seen her in color yet! Or heard her communicate anything other than her pulse. Or seen her do anything other than mimic a variety of fruits, vegetables and legumes. She’s still got two months left of sucking amniotic fluid ferchrissakes!

So, I’d like to humbly apologize to all the other parents who throughout my life I thought were insuferable D.B.s (in this case I don’t mean Daddy Bloggers) for feeling the same way about their own children. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still insuferable douchery– but I am now one of you. I understand.